probably been more than a week again

I think that in some ways, I am giving myself a break on trying to commit to the goal of writing in here on at minimum a weekly basis. I feel as though there some self-judgement in that statement, but then again I have been visited by the bodhisattvas lately so I am more inclined towards forgiving that.

This is a pretty good week; it feels like it's been too long since I said that. I got the strangest feeling this weekend that spring was officially starting, and I don't know I guess I got excited about it. Been feeling great the past couple of days. I have followed through on the commitment to yoga so far. It is also looking like I may have bested the smoking game that I have been playing for too long. Truth be told, I am better off without it.

I have been working to write in my journal more this week too, part of the excuse for yet another lapse. I have begun facing the fear and frustration of writing left handed, and instead am choosing to own it. I guess that's what I am feeling right now. I have permission again to do what feels true to me for me.

<3 J

Ahh, back to slack track

So, if you've been following first of all thank you. Second of all, my time lapse is back again; obviously. Things haven't been too terribly crazy of late. Same old same old I guess. Got denied for yet another job opportunity, which sucks. The thing I don't get is that I seem to be getting the same response of "your resume is impressive and you are very well presented and articulate, but we have decided to go with someone else." I wish I could figure out, make sense of, what is going on cosmically. Guess I will utilize the full moon tonight to try and get some clarity. . . <3 J

Lilith and Perspective

Lilith has been coming up regularly for me this week. Perhaps the most significant moment was when my yoga teacher prompted us to set our intention for practice on perspective. How does our perspective shape our experiences? I had been being poked by Lilith the night before, and all during my vinyasa I kept thinking about the ways that Lilith's story was shaped by the religious authorship of the times. Painted as a demon, and a whore, She did not have the best reputation in most texts of the time. This was all relative to perspective. How we view a scenario says so much about the story we tell. With this idea firmly in my mind, I decided to invoke Her. This is what She had to say. "Every story has a teller. Every teller has a story. Find you perspective. Tell your story." So, I did. In sacred space I spent a fair amount of time retelling the story of my life. It was amazing how I was able to remember pieces of my childhood and speak them out loud that I hadn't thought about in ages. Changing the story from how others would look at it, to how I would look at it, and telling my truth from that place was amazing. I think I am one step closer to discovering the truth of my core self. . . <3 J

It has been too long, again

I am realizing that it has been too long again since I wrote in here. I am just not sure that I have had a lot of external stuff happening with me lately. It has really just been like watching from another point of view. The last workshop I did was a good one, fruitcakes is thriving, sitting practice still in full force. I have started doing more yoga lately, which is great. School is still happening, this session is a ton easier than last session. No actions to participate in yet, that still a work in process. Life continues to plug along. <3 J

working with allies

Today, my conversation with my witchy advisor type peep led my to discuss more closely the relationship foundation with my allies. Interestingly enough, Venus (goddess and planet) came up as a possible area for exploration. I also am going to start working with Raven some more, and am hoping to solidify, as much as possible with mystery, my relationship with my Romani ancestors. This of course is subject to change at any time, haha.

Let's see, what else? Participated in my first Iron Pentacle workshop this weekend. I wish I had more specifics to share, but I don't. It's another one of those experiences of me losing the tofu of the work once I transition into mundane space. Amusingly, camp also has this surreal dream-like quality to it. I am not sure I have completely reinserted myself into what I would consider my normal life. That's okay though. I feel that in a lot of ways I am still running the energy of the weekend in my body. I have had a few moments where I have found myself checking in with the points and feeling the energy move through me. That sounds like, "yup. running it in the body."

Have had some progression in the job front today. An interview to read tarot more professionally, and a great lead from Vocational Rehab. Seems like the pieces are starting to move into place a little. Should I act surprised that it is simultaneous to the changing of the year and the coming of Ostara? I am not going to tonight, although it would be a great excuse to clutch my non-existent pearls. . .

<3 J

Crows, Ravens, and Crescent Moon

Tonight I was given a beautiful gift as I was leaving work. I have been working on self-forgiveness today after feeling like I have been spiraling out of control for the past week. I had been having thoughts about the Virgin Mary, Quan Yin, and The Earth Mother. Low and behold I come walking around the corner towards my car and there was a part in the cloud cover that we've had all evening (and are having still) just enough to show the waning crescent lingering above the skyline. I love when the universe gives me a thumbs up. Blessed be.

Ahh, the crows and ravens. I have starting listening to them again, and it's nice. I didn't realize how out of sorts ignoring them was making me until I stopped being cerebral for a moment today and started to check back in. I am working with them as my touch stone right now. When I hear them it's my reminder to stop what I'm doing and check in with myself. What are they cawing for me to pay attention to. How I have missed them. Yes, we are officially turning the wheel of the year again as snow leopards hibernate for the summer and I spread my black feathers and fly. . .

<3 J

silence in chaos

I am sure it's been too long again. C'est la vie, non? Well, let's see. Where am I? Right now, I am working to find solace in the midst of what feels crazy right now. Not that there is anything out of the ordinary for me, per se, but I am just feeling whirling energies abundant. Perhaps it's the start of spring and the changing of the seasons? Maybe I am just feeling a little ungrounded in response to some rather gross physical stuff that has come up lately. Either way, I am working to find the silence in the midst. It makes me think of a line from a Tori Amos song, I don't remember which one. "A little mental yoga when they surround you."

Brighid and the others told me a while ago that the journey to my peace of mind was on the mat (yoga). I have not been following through on that commitment as well as I would have liked. One day at a time will work for now. I am hoping that tomorrow finds me physically aloof and spritely once more. It is simultaneously my hope that this will help me to feel better emotionally. For now, just more sitting with silence. The rest will fall as it should. . .

<3 J